Dementia care at home in Rancho Santa Fe

In town, wandering means someone reaches the pavement. Here, a person can leave the house and still be on their own land, among citrus trees, down a slope, along a horse trail, or at the edge of a canyon. They are out of sight within a minute, and the house looks as calm as it did before.

That changes what useful precautions look like. Locking the front door achieves less than it would in a condo, because the danger starts in the garden.

• Fence what you can, and gate the pool properly. Water is the single biggest hazard on these properties. A person with dementia may not remember they can’t swim
• Light the paths, the steps and the drive. There are no streetlights. Someone who gets out after dark is in genuine darkness, on uneven ground
• Put a chime on every door to the outside, including the one from the garage and the one from the laundry, which are the ones people forget
• Walk the property yourself looking for where someone would go: the gap in the hedge, the gate to the trail, the slope down to the arroyo
• Register with the Sheriff’s Take Me Home program, so deputies can search by photo and description rather than starting from nothing

Many of these households already have a housekeeper, a gardener, a pool service, and someone who looks after the horses. They see your mother more often than her family does, and after a diagnosis they need telling, with her dignity kept intact.

What helps them is short and practical. Don’t correct her if she gets a name or a year wrong, agree with the feeling and move on. Don’t leave gates open. Tell the caregiver, not her, if something seems off. And know who to call.

The other half of it is the traffic. Contractors, deliveries and crews come and go on a property this size, and a steady stream of unfamiliar faces is unsettling for someone with dementia. Cluster the visits into the morning where you can, and keep the afternoon quiet.